Excuse me? (Boundaries please)

This is an article I wrote on my FetLife account a few weeks ago – I figured it would be a good piece to start with.  I garnered a Kinky & Popular rating which surprised me to no end.   I can only hope my future writing is anywhere near as good as this one turned out to be.   Enjoy and welcome to my blog.

Excuse me?

I understand the BDSM scene apparently supports edicts; Don’t touch if it’s not yours, Don’t touch without asking, and Don’t interfere with someone else’s scene. Unfortunately I have been seeing the golden rules broken as Doms butt into a scene.

Micro background on me – I am a Journeyman Rigger. I just started with rope this year and have learned a lot, worked with some great gals, met some great Tops – ropers and otherwise. I am generally a fairly soft spoken individual, and am not a sadist, though I guarantee I can swing a paddle as hard as you, if I don’t it’s my choice. I take roping and impact play from a more sensual side of things. I wonder if certain Doms see this as a weakness, and are they really that shallow to ranges of play? Anyway – on to my incident reports.

The first time I was doing an armbinder and it was a first for her and she was enjoying it. I asked her if she wanted to try it as a strappado which is with the arms hoisted up behind – which can be a very strenuous position depending on the amount they’re raised. She agreed and we both tentatively tried it. She is a true rope lover and was starting to get into the zone taking in a new position that was simple, strenuous, and exposing. As you can imagine, in a standing bent over position with the arms high and clear of the body, it would be a great position for impact play. We had neither discussed this, nor was it a great desire of mine to go that route at the time. But suddenly at least two doms were suggesting an impact scene and actually started handing me toys. Really? One even got up close to her to show her an implement and asked her about it. She declined and I handed toys back. We continued on with the strappado, experimenting with raising and lowering her arms — testing her limits and we were both happy with just doing that.

Now, keep in mind, at this stage of my journey, I was very much a new roper and could probably count on one hand the number of gals I’d tied. Later I asked her about the intrusions and she indicated that it was an invasion of her space and head space at the time – though she wasn’t mad at me, but in hindsight I felt she had every right to be. I had a rapport built up with her, and she was giving her trust to me and we were doing what we had agreed to. It was my responsibility as being the Top in this to control the scene and protect my Bunny. I didn’t need nor appreciate a 3rd party jumping in – I’m certainly savvy enough to have a clue about what I could have done with her in that position – do I need someone else to point out the blatantly obvious? No – butt out, shut up, and enjoy what you’re watching. If you want to do it differently then go build your own scene. Just because I’m not doing a scene on the St. Andrews Cross, don’t have leather shackles and chain dangling doesn’t mean I’m not doing power exchange and having someone entrust her safety to me. Respect that – otherwise your ignorance of rope is showing.

Another time I did a pretty rope corset on a gal as she had never done rope before and wanted to start slowly into rope. A close friend of mine started to take some photos with the Bunny’s OK and I suggested standing on the cross to pose – we added to the look by tying some quick and dirty rope cuffs. As soon as she had stood onto the cross at least two Doms stepped in – both of which were breaking the connection of the ties and getting in the way of the photos. It wasn’t such as severe a breach as in the first incident, but regardless – you weren’t invited into what was going on. You stepped into something already going on and tried to make it your scene. Do that on your dime, not mine. We continued through and the photos were a hit – hoping for more in the future.

Lastly I was at a new venue (for me) with Bunny with whom I have a lot of ties with and a strong level of trust. We were doing a sort of casual tie outside on a patio railing – it wasn’t a serious scene as we had been doing some banter and she had been trying to hit me with a paddle with her chicken wing tied hands – it was kind of funny and certainly not a serious scene. I was still in the tying process and stepped forward to adjust a rope then stepped right back, and onto a Dom – I almost tripped backwards over him. He was crouched down low and had thrown some loose rope around her ankle to the railing – without asking. Once again – really? I’m in the middle of a scene – no matter if it’s light or not – and without asking permission from myself of the bottom if it was OK to touch her, proceeded to put rope on her. THAT was a breach! And from what I understand he has been in the scene a while and certainly should know better. In fact I saw that same individual try to get into an ongoing scene later that evening. He obviously doesn’t understand boundaries in general, so I will try not to take his intrusion personally.

It is to this Dom and to others out there like him that I am writing this piece – please understand this: Roping is a scene – an exchange – just because there is no impact perceived, doesn’t mean the Bottom is not giving something up to the Top. Rope with no impact doesn’t mean there is no danger involved – rope bondage is edge play. As a rope Top I am constantly aware of my Bottom’s safety, and outside distractions are just that, distractions. Don’t do it. Just because I’m having a conversation with my bottom doesn’t give you the right to jump in unless she invites you into the conversation. She may be jovial, but it’s because of her trust in me and the scene – don’t assume. How would you like it the next time you are either doing an impact scene on the cross, or just in a common room, for me to come up and spank your gal, or start suggesting you try this toy or that? Reverse the situations and you would probably never have done what you did – I would hope.

Boundaries please